Finding Holiness and Microaggressions at the same time.
At the SLBC conference in 2019, I walked into a room full of people who seemed to know each other. It's hard to explain, but there was so much joy coming from everyone. It was overwhelming at first. It felt like I was at a club with people who had all been to this great summer camp and hadn't seen each other in a while, but I had never attended that summer camp. I felt like an outsider, but as the day went on, I began to feel more comfortable, and by the end of the conference, I was hooked and knew I would be back.
This past conference, I had the honor and privilege of being part of SLBC's core Conference Educators, and I couldn't help but feel like I had been invited to the cool kids' table for lunch. I remember that first conference thinking how cool it would be to be one of the rabbis and educators at SLBC and meet and work with all the amazing people involved in the program. And years earlier, I thought it would be awesome to meet Rabbi Susan Talve, and now, I have had the privilege of working with her for the last three years, and I am lucky to call her a friend.
I have been to SLBC five times in a row, and every time I am reminded of why I keep coming back each year. It is hard to articulate the experience to others when I come home. It often feels like Eliana Light said in her workshop that it "feels like a dream," but I know that I am better for it, and it reminds me of the rabbi I want to be in the world. It is remarkable how our dreams and aspirations can come true if we set our minds in the right direction. Like many kids, I dreamed of being a rock star. As I got older, I learned guitar but was too scared to sing and play music in front of others. That changed as I studied to become a rabbi. Today I am my own rock star doing the things I love and doing my part to make the world a better place. So, be careful what you ask for because it might just happen and be even more amazing than one could imagine.
In this week's Torah portion, Terumah, we learn about the construction of the Mishkan, the sanctuary that served as a communal space for our ancestors in the wilderness. The Mishkan was not built by a single person or group but by the entire community. Each person contributed according to their means, creating a beautiful tapestry of diverse gifts and talents. The result was a sanctuary that reflected the unique character of the community. In this Torah portion, God says,
"And let them make Me a sanctuary, and I may dwell among you" (Exodus 25:8).
Judaism is and never was meant to be a faith in isolation. When we come together in prayer, we create a sacred community and a holy space where the Divine can be with us.
In many ways, the impact of attending SLBC is hard to explain to others. Still, it is an experience that has helped me grow both personally and professionally, and it has given me a deeper appreciation for the role that music plays in building community and strengthening our faith. With that said, It's important to acknowledge that even in a setting like SLBC, microaggressions still happen.
"Microaggressions are more than just insults, insensitive comments, or generalized jerky behavior. They're something very specific: the kinds of remarks, questions, or actions that are painful because they have to do with a person's membership in a group that's discriminated against or subject to stereotypes. And a key part of what makes them so disconcerting is that they happen casually, frequently, and often without any harm intended, in everyday life" - Vox.
I'm sharing three microaggressions I experienced at this SLBC to raise awareness and prevent other white Jewish folks from making similar mistakes. It's important to note that microaggressions happen all the time and that Jews of color experience microaggressions and sometimes blatant racism in predominantly white Jewish settings.
On the first day of SLBC, I was mistaken for another Black rabbi by an individual I had never formally met. Even after I told them we had never met in person (we shared a virtual space once), this person insisted that we had and that I worked in a particular place in a specific city. I told them I had never worked there and did not live in that city; I even told this person the name of the rabbi they had met because she worked in that specific city and that particular place. They continued to insist until I finally told them I had never lived in that specific city.
On the second night, I conversed with an individual who asked me if I converted to Judaism shortly after they learned I was a rabbi. This person told me a long story about why they needed to know. Despite my many attempts to change the subject and create distractions with the people around us, the individual was committed to this story and kept coming back to why they needed to know. This situation was frustrating. This individual knew they were wrong for asking the question because they followed it with why they needed to know, and their need to know was completely centered around themselves.
On the third and final day of the conference, I had to listen to someone thank me for joining the tribe, aka the Jewish community, a statement that is othering and reeks of entitlement.
If I were to guess, none of these individuals knew these statements were offensive. I did not tell them because I was not interested in doing the labor of education or making any of them feel uncomfortable. I'm telling you all about this because I hope to make you aware that these things happen when Jews of color come into overwhelmingly white spaces. If we want to bring more racial diversity into our communities, we have to actively work to address this behavior so that we can make our Jewish spaces truly inclusive.
I love SLBC and plan to attend every year if I can because, microaggressions aside, SLBC is part of my chosen family. We are all created in the Divine image, which means that each of us has a spark of the Divine, and the Divine has a spark in each of us, which means we are all related, and we are all kin. And may we continue to build a Mishkan, a holy community where our collective communal energy will continue to elevate and strengthen us, bringing us closer to the Divine and to one another.
“ their need to know was completely centered around themselves.” UGGGGGHHHHHHHHH….
In my mussar practice sessions, when we focus on “curiosity’ this is exactly the kind of thing we talk about. Curiosity out of balance can harm.
This is a fantastic post. You should not have to do this work but it is so valuable because people can be so blind yet you witness and describe so accurately. G*d bless you.