Rabbi Sandra, thank you for the timely and perceptive essay. The lamentable tendency you discuss is, of course, rooted in white fragility, and, I suspect, a deeply repressed feeling of guilt. It's complicated for sure. A book I've found helpful is White Women: What You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How To Do Better by Rebecca Jackson and Saira Rao. It's essential that we grapple honestly with the question of why such an appalling percentage of white women voted for a serial liar, cheater, insurrectionist, convicted felon and adjudicated rapist rather than a highly educated, intelligent, experienced, compassionate African American woman.
Excellent as always, Rabbi Sandra. It is reminiscent of “All Lives Matter.” A true statement that is beside the point. One wants to say, as you have here with compassion and respect, “It’s not about you right now. Just listen and reflect.”
Also, nice clip of Tweedy and Mavis. Love their collaborations.
Absolutely - thank you for this. The white women who are my friends already understand this and do not take offense. I just wish more would make space for this concept, and then the real discussions can begin. Keep up the good work!
I so appreciate this, Rabbi. As Americans, the unfortunate reality is that we are immersed in a racist society, and for those of us who are white, and as you rightly point out, we must do the work of dismantling racism within our society and within ourselves. Thank you for your wise and eloquent words.
I’m so appreciative of your thoughts here. As a couple other readers noted here, any time we are talking of folks in a wide swath of generalizations, such a slippery slope! We always try to economize words, group like to like, we do it too easily and often. As someone who works in technology and consulting, oh how words matter in my world! I have a phrase for starting conversations that have potential to put someone on the defensive and that phrase is “Here’s what I’m noticing…” instead of YOU did this or caused this. Having managed dozens of people, it’s been one very helpful way to have those tough conversations. My husband and I use it with each other but more in a joking way (we met at the company where we both learned that book, Crucial Conversations 😉). I’m wondering though, in being able to start a great conversation about all things like this election, voting patterns, groups upon groups of generalizations… before we hit that slippery slope and “turn off” listening ears… cuz I don’t want to avoid talking about this, we need to! I know I won’t be perfect, but I’ll keep at it… how can I better approach this conversation and engage rather than enrage? Invite in, rather than turn off my readers and listeners? I’m interested especially because I’d really like to work locally to help prepare for midterm elections but even beyond that. Interesting patterns, approaches, all kinds of room for interesting conversations and understanding as well as hearing each other just becomes ever more so important with such stark divisions these days. Thanks for any thoughts… and as a new subscriber, I’m looking forward to getting to know your space here 😊
An excellent point that it took me a while to grasp a number of years ago. When I hear the general term "white women" or "white men" or even "men", I have learned to listen past that point to the message being conveyed.
I have tried in my communication to avoid broad generalities. I avoid words like "all" or "none" etc. I have also tried to not lump in every person in a group when making a generalized or systemic statement. So I may say "many white women" or "many black women" or even "the black/white women that I've come in contact with" etc. This may be awkward but I've integrated that into my communication patterns to avoid setting off a knee-jerk reaction that derails the point I was trying to make. I have stopped asking others to try this for a variety of reasons, but I did want to share that this is something I do to avoid making broad generalized groups when I feel a more precise designation is more accurate and is warranted. Perhaps this is wishful thinking on my part.
Part of my original dislike of the "all lives matter" movement had to do with the broadness of the statement losing the meaning of the original - that black lives have typically not mattered enough to the larger community and they absolutely do matter and should be recognized as doing so. That was my thinking before even contemplating the co-opting of the phrase to dilute or divert the meaning. With the knee jerk to the broader statement, it loses the precision that the narrower statement gives. This is just me and my very strong preference for precise communication to avoid misunderstandings.
I appreciate your efforts to continue to educate us on so many things. Blessings on your work.
Thank you for articulating such a complex, important topic so eloquently, Rabbi. I appreciate how you weave our Judaic teachings & beliefs in, as being Jewish, living Jewish-ly (per se) and continuing to hone & practice antiracism are imperative and as you point out, interrelated. I appreciate your insights & guidance.
Rabbi Sandra, thank you for the timely and perceptive essay. The lamentable tendency you discuss is, of course, rooted in white fragility, and, I suspect, a deeply repressed feeling of guilt. It's complicated for sure. A book I've found helpful is White Women: What You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How To Do Better by Rebecca Jackson and Saira Rao. It's essential that we grapple honestly with the question of why such an appalling percentage of white women voted for a serial liar, cheater, insurrectionist, convicted felon and adjudicated rapist rather than a highly educated, intelligent, experienced, compassionate African American woman.
Excellent as always, Rabbi Sandra. It is reminiscent of “All Lives Matter.” A true statement that is beside the point. One wants to say, as you have here with compassion and respect, “It’s not about you right now. Just listen and reflect.”
Also, nice clip of Tweedy and Mavis. Love their collaborations.
You have such patience! Thank you for keeping the conversation on track.
Wishing you and yours an early Shabbat Shalom.
Absolutely - thank you for this. The white women who are my friends already understand this and do not take offense. I just wish more would make space for this concept, and then the real discussions can begin. Keep up the good work!
I so appreciate this, Rabbi. As Americans, the unfortunate reality is that we are immersed in a racist society, and for those of us who are white, and as you rightly point out, we must do the work of dismantling racism within our society and within ourselves. Thank you for your wise and eloquent words.
I’m so appreciative of your thoughts here. As a couple other readers noted here, any time we are talking of folks in a wide swath of generalizations, such a slippery slope! We always try to economize words, group like to like, we do it too easily and often. As someone who works in technology and consulting, oh how words matter in my world! I have a phrase for starting conversations that have potential to put someone on the defensive and that phrase is “Here’s what I’m noticing…” instead of YOU did this or caused this. Having managed dozens of people, it’s been one very helpful way to have those tough conversations. My husband and I use it with each other but more in a joking way (we met at the company where we both learned that book, Crucial Conversations 😉). I’m wondering though, in being able to start a great conversation about all things like this election, voting patterns, groups upon groups of generalizations… before we hit that slippery slope and “turn off” listening ears… cuz I don’t want to avoid talking about this, we need to! I know I won’t be perfect, but I’ll keep at it… how can I better approach this conversation and engage rather than enrage? Invite in, rather than turn off my readers and listeners? I’m interested especially because I’d really like to work locally to help prepare for midterm elections but even beyond that. Interesting patterns, approaches, all kinds of room for interesting conversations and understanding as well as hearing each other just becomes ever more so important with such stark divisions these days. Thanks for any thoughts… and as a new subscriber, I’m looking forward to getting to know your space here 😊
An excellent point that it took me a while to grasp a number of years ago. When I hear the general term "white women" or "white men" or even "men", I have learned to listen past that point to the message being conveyed.
I have tried in my communication to avoid broad generalities. I avoid words like "all" or "none" etc. I have also tried to not lump in every person in a group when making a generalized or systemic statement. So I may say "many white women" or "many black women" or even "the black/white women that I've come in contact with" etc. This may be awkward but I've integrated that into my communication patterns to avoid setting off a knee-jerk reaction that derails the point I was trying to make. I have stopped asking others to try this for a variety of reasons, but I did want to share that this is something I do to avoid making broad generalized groups when I feel a more precise designation is more accurate and is warranted. Perhaps this is wishful thinking on my part.
Part of my original dislike of the "all lives matter" movement had to do with the broadness of the statement losing the meaning of the original - that black lives have typically not mattered enough to the larger community and they absolutely do matter and should be recognized as doing so. That was my thinking before even contemplating the co-opting of the phrase to dilute or divert the meaning. With the knee jerk to the broader statement, it loses the precision that the narrower statement gives. This is just me and my very strong preference for precise communication to avoid misunderstandings.
I appreciate your efforts to continue to educate us on so many things. Blessings on your work.
This is hard work. It's good to be reminded of why we do it.
Beautiful articulation of a nuanced topic. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for articulating such a complex, important topic so eloquently, Rabbi. I appreciate how you weave our Judaic teachings & beliefs in, as being Jewish, living Jewish-ly (per se) and continuing to hone & practice antiracism are imperative and as you point out, interrelated. I appreciate your insights & guidance.